Friendship : Strange, Silly and Stupid

    As I was starting to compose this blog entry, I tried to google quotes, phrases, sayings and stuff. I also tried to look up dictionary’s definition about it and someone else’s definition and opinion but you know what? I ended up writing this entry without it. I mean, everybody has their own definition and opinion about everything. You can google all you want and read the dictionary or maybe surf the world wide web, join forums and check out personal blogs but none will fit to what you were trying to say or express.

     Friendship. What is it? Where is it? How do you find it? How will you know if it is genuine?

    Personally, the last question came to my mind. How will you know if a friend is genuine? How, indeed. Now, everybody has their own definition of friendship. Everybody has their own preference as to who are they going to treat as friend. Different ways of meeting a friend, different ways of establishing friendship and different ways of expressing they care for that certain person they call a friend.

      I was a lonely girl. I was never a good daughter nor a good person. I am no criminal but I have done a few things in the past that if you will get a chance of knowing, you might hate or scorn me in the end. I lost hope in this world. I lost hope of my life. I lost hope in God. Will I ever be accepted? Will I ever be respected? Will I ever be understood? Will I ever be forgiven? Will I ever be loved? These are my questions. I was down. I was lonely. I felt hollow and full of hate. I was blinded by the rage that consumed my existence. I could not forgive anyone. Even myself. Lost.

      Yes, God. I believe in Him. Though I follow no religion, I just believe that there is a greater existence that watches over everyone. How did I come to that conclusion? Why would I believe in God when he wasn't there when I was all alone, lonely and hurting? He may not be there in everybody’s eyes. But, hey! My friends were there and still are here for me. I did not listen to their friendly advices. I shunned their forgiving faces. I disliked their hugs and their kisses. Their voices, screw their voices!  I hated the world. I hated them. I hated everything! But they, they did not hate me. No matter how many times I ignored them, how many vengeful words from my mouth cut thru their hearts, how many incidences I screamed at them. They still see me as a ... friend.

       Ridiculous, eh?

    I always ask myself, “what did I do to deserve these people?”. I mean, I am not the nicest person in the world there is, why the heck would they choose to be my friend? I’m always screaming at everything, at anyone anytime! I always say ungodly things in front of everybody. I dress odd, I look ugly, I sound strange. Everything about me is just not right! Why in this freakin’ world do I have these people treating me as their dear friend? I’m not Bill Gates; I couldn’t give them gifts on their birthdays. I’m not Einstein; I couldn’t do their thesis or their reports. I’m not Kate Moss, I dunno nary a thing about fashion. I’m not even Beyonce, could not help out a bit about singing and dancing. I am totally worthless! What? Are they plain blind? Or just stupid?

      Who would listen to you blabber about random stuff? Who would lend their hands just to help you stand up? Who would hear your screams when you hate the world to the very core of your being? Who would slap you in the face to make you see the truth? Who would bravely and bluntly tell you the truth for your own sake risking getting yelled and cursed at or maybe ignored? Who would point out your mistakes, failures and flaws and maybe tell you you're being an ass but still loves you? Who would make you feel better when you're in deep shit? Who would always try to mold you into a better person? A friend would. My friends did. And will always do. That’s why my friends, I love you. All of you remained true . I have found friends though a few but true, genuine friends. :)

Gift Kristie, my ever true friend. I met her during my second year of high school. Her seat was next to mine so I looked and studied her. She looked scary and so I thought she might be a snob or something. Turns out she was just pissed off cause of unsettled finances with school fees. How did I know about it? Well, naturally, I talked to her. At first, I was pretty reluctant to do so cause she was really scary. After that, the rest were history. We became super close. We help each other out during hard times, give and take, that's what it is. I treat her family as my own as she does mine. I visit her and her family anytime, like literally, anytime of the day or night! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ! She is as welcome to our house as I am to theirs. My family knows her well. Series of sleepovers, parties and outings with her and her family strengthened our bond. She is pretty good with math, unlike me who's dumb at it. And because we are close, sometimes during exams, we exchange answers as well! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ! We quarrel a lot. We argue about anything under the sun but that is pretty normal. It's just like friendly fight. But, if it's a real fight? We don't talk. We ignore each other until someone gives in. And more often than not, it's her who gives in. HAHAHAHAHAHA ! xD She is now taking Bachelor of Science in Mechanical Engineering at the University of Southeastern Philippines. Far off from what she previously took up, Bachelor of Science in Nursing. She is a cool person, just like me ! xD She's thrifty with money but when we're together, money's gone in a flash cause we love to treat ourselves a lot. Maybe grab some beer or eat out at McDonalds and the likes. She also loves to cook which I am worse at. A lot of differences but we just clicked! I wonder why? LOL . xD

Suzette. I fondly call her Princess or sometimes "baktin" which means PIGLET . HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ! Cause she doesn't even call me by name! She calls me "baboy" or PIG! Can you imagine that? xD The best thing that I love about her? It's her broken english. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ! Peace, Princess! She's a sweet, caring and loving person. She doesn't look like it but when she's trying to bond with me? Gosh, I feel like a Sumo wrestler is trying to fight with me! She's that loving. Good thing, when I'm having troubles, I can always turn to her and not be disappointed. I owe her a lot. She's the one who paved the way for me to get a job. If not for her, there is no way I could ever be where I am now. Well, everyone in my life helped me get to where I am now. She is just priceless. Thank you, Princess. We rarely see each other now. I wasn't even there on her birthday, wasn't able to treat her or give her a gift. But, Zette, don't worry, time will come all the good things you have done for me will be rewarded. Just be patient. I am never nice but she stayed by my side, helped me out and changed me as well. I love you, friend. Don't slap me again, okay? That hurts! :) [ she slapped me one time during high school since i was being mean to other kids at school . LOL ! instant realization courtesy of Suzette . xD BAKTIN SLAP ! hiyaah ! xD since then yours truly tried to be nice so as to not get slapped again . HAHAHAHAHA ! ] Congratulations for graduating with Bachelor of Science in Computer Science . Go look for work, you bum ! :D

Ancel. People call her AC. This girl with the curly crown is a very funny person. Well, she doesn't show a lot of emotions. She always has this blank expression on her face. Lips forming a flat line, eyes with no expression and a stance that says "the-hell-i-care". She loves to read Tagalog romance novels like I do. A few of my collection are in her care. She's now in Dumaguete City. She just got her diploma for Bachelor of Science in Information Technology  at Foundation University last March. Her greatest love is no other than, Jerry Yan, who played the role of Dao Ming Tse in Meteor Garden. Best thing I love about her is her laugh. Very annoying yet contagious! HAHAHAHAHHA ! She laughs like she's mocking you or something. "KALOKO" . xD And from that blank expression, she would suddenly whisper to my ear "Do you see that girl? She looks so .. blah .. blah .." HAHAHAHAHAHA ! AC, you're mean! xD Never saw her since our graduation. Dumaguete is like 6-7 hours bus ride plus a few more hours for the boat ride. Whew! I miss you, "kulot". I wanna see you again so we could talk about boys and maybe "romance" just like we always do years ago . HAHAHAHAHAHA ! And well, you promised you're gonna tell me how, where and with whom you did IT with. IF YOU EVER DID. HAHAHAHAHAH ! xD

Ate Loi . I call her Ate not because of our age difference but because I respect her and look up  to her as an older sister. I met her during my college days. We actually were board mates. We only had a few memories together but the bond is undeniably there. She's from Digos City but stayed most of her teen years at Bukidnon, particularly at Central Mindanao University. She just got her diploma for Bachelor of Science in Animal Science. She's taller than me but no cuter than me. HAHAHAHAHAHA ! Peace, Ate Loi! xD She loves to read pocketbooks as well. A nice person, thoughtful and very helpful. She always help me out when I need help and understands me when nobody else does. Ate Loi, you know what I mean. Thank you so much for staying by my side. I treasure you as a friend. Just text me when you're here in Davao. You can sleep in my place. Stay pretty. :)

Marc Aldrin. Most call him Aldrin. I know. He looks stupid in that picture. But, guys? Come on! Don't be mean. He's my friend so he looks good in my eyes. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ! BIASED . Anyway, yeah. I call him Partz. I mean, we call each other Partz. He's a band member and he plays the guitar real good. Sometimes, during my college boring days. We bond. Him playing the guitar and me singing whatever song that comes into mind. We talk about his life, my life and life in general. We talk about random things in person or over the phone. We could talk all night without any problem looking for a topic to talk about. We quarrel over anything, argue about one's opinion then end up not talking. Last time, for almost 6 months, we didn't talk. But we're cool now. He said sorry and I apologized  as well and tried to make up for all the wasted time. I know, he looks out for me. Tells me what to do, lectures me for being stupid and scolds me for being mean. He cares for me but he's just not open about it. Partz, get real. I know I am an important person in your life. And thank you for standing up for me. His family doesn't like me. Maybe because of my past or the way I look or the way I am. Or maybe, they just plain hate me. But Partz here knows who I really am and believed in me . Thank you, Partz . You never knew but you were one of the reasons why I survived college days. Not only that you always give me money when I needed it the most [ he actually lend me his most precious savings in order to help when i was sooo broke ] but you always offer your helping hand and lend your ears to listen and help me out. God bless you. I know you will soon fly. One more thing, though. Just don't forget your wings, okay? :)

 Aileen Grace. Fondly called Ai. She is a precious childhood friend who is older than me. I dunno what's gotten into her but she keeps on telling me I act and talk older than my age. HAHAHAHAHAHA ! Anyway, yeah. She is older than me but I don't call her Ate. It's not that I do not respect her. She knows she is very dear to me. Whenever I'm with her, there's this sudden surge of feeling that wants me to protect her from any harm may it be physical or emotional. I'm not a lesbo, for crying out loud! I just find her very fragile and vulnerable person which is the exact opposite of me, hence, that feeling of being protective over her. I don't wanna see her broke, down or defeated that's why I help out in every way I can. We eat out and sometimes I shop for her and give her small gifts just to see her smile. Such a rewarding smile. A smile is more than enough. Just don't cry in front of me cause of gratitude like you would always do, silly! She is the kindest, patient and forgiving person I know. It is a very nice quality if you're kind, right? But, this girl here is too kind for me that sometimes I get annoyed and would always snap at her these exact words. "Buutan ra kaayo ka, sukol pud, oi!" which translates to "You are too kind, why not try to fight!". I really get pissed cause other people would actually try to bully my dear friend and it gets me fired up! And I would actually start a fight with those garbage. HMP ! >.< And so, you can now say I am a BI [ bad influence ] since I was the one who taught her how to be a hellion. HAHAHAHAHAHA ! I taught her how to stand ground, be confident and smart without losing her own personality, the sweet and kind Aileen. This is long overdue but nonetheless, congratulations for graduating with Bachelor of Science in Business Administration and for passing the licensure exam to work legally in Thailand. Friend, I'm sorry I wasn't able to escort you to Davao International Airport when you left for Thailand. I hope all is well there with you. Treat yourself like you never did and save up for the future. Just don't forget the "pasalubong"!! And just a gentle reminder, you promised me you're gonna be SEXY when come back here. I'm gonna set the airport on fire if you're stats won't be 24-36-24, I'm THAT gentle. :)

Disney. A smart, sexy, crazy and funny girl. She loves to blog, take pictures and draw stuff, watch Koreanovelas, stalk Sandara Park, listen to KPOP, shop for nice dresses, shoes and bags and pamper herself. :) Nice house, well-to-do family and a stable job as a grade school teacher. Well, she is almost perfect! Just one thing missing, a boyfriend. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Requirements? Chinky eyes, right, Dara? LOL. But boys, you're gonna have a hard time with her cause she is normally aloof to guys. BUT! She would chase you all over the place if she's got the hots for you. I don't think she's still like that. Maybe not anymore. Cause last time I checked? Her crush was one of the hottest Korean superstar, Queen Seon Duek's lover [ not sure if I got the spelling, right ]. I dunno who he was but yeah, he is a cute guy. :) She loves to read romance novels just like me. Whenever I have new pocketbooks, she would be the first one to read it after me. And yes, she is a KPOP wanna be. One of our common denominators. xD She is naturally very creative and stylish given the fact that she is an artist.

Ate Joanne. Yeah, coolest but craziest person I have ever met. Loud and proud momma of cute little baby Shawn. A responsible daughter and eldest sister. Quite bossy and super opinionated which is okay with me. I love talking to people who are intelligent like me. LOL! Kidding! We argue a lot about certain things and we always end up debating about a certain topic we have different opinions of.  But i feel like there is an unspoken agreement that we express our sides without jeopardizing our relationship. In that way, I learn something from her and she learns something from me. Understanding is a two-way street and fortunately we both know that. At least, both of us backs down or stops herself when the discussion reaches its peak. Good thing, though, we always find it in ourselves to forgive one another's mistake. We both know each others' strengths and weaknesses thus the deeper our connections is. We both are not perfect and we are aware of that and I have accepted her in my life flaws and all. We both love watching CSI and Leverage, listening to KPOP, updating facebook and eating at McDonalds. McFloat and the fries, right, Ate? HAHAHAHAHAHA ! Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. I am honored. Let's continue helping each other out and live a better life.  Together, we fight! :)

All of them are my friends. All of them have a big impact to my life. They managed to break down the walls I put up. They are the reasons why I broke outta my shell and saw the light again. They brought sunshine into my dark life. Made me feel accepted not judged. Made me feel respected not scorned. Made me feel loved and cherished not hated. Thank you all for changing me for the better. Thank you for making me see how mean I was before. How inconsiderate, selfish, insensitive, harsh, tactless, self-centered, disrespectful, smart-ass, bitchy, rude, and every bad trait you can imagine I was, you guys stood by me, made me realize, changed me and brought a new meaning to my life. I owe you, guys. BIG TIME ! :)