Friendship : Strange, Silly and Stupid

    As I was starting to compose this blog entry, I tried to google quotes, phrases, sayings and stuff. I also tried to look up dictionary’s definition about it and someone else’s definition and opinion but you know what? I ended up writing this entry without it. I mean, everybody has their own definition and opinion about everything. You can google all you want and read the dictionary or maybe surf the world wide web, join forums and check out personal blogs but none will fit to what you were trying to say or express.

     Friendship. What is it? Where is it? How do you find it? How will you know if it is genuine?

    Personally, the last question came to my mind. How will you know if a friend is genuine? How, indeed. Now, everybody has their own definition of friendship. Everybody has their own preference as to who are they going to treat as friend. Different ways of meeting a friend, different ways of establishing friendship and different ways of expressing they care for that certain person they call a friend.

      I was a lonely girl. I was never a good daughter nor a good person. I am no criminal but I have done a few things in the past that if you will get a chance of knowing, you might hate or scorn me in the end. I lost hope in this world. I lost hope of my life. I lost hope in God. Will I ever be accepted? Will I ever be respected? Will I ever be understood? Will I ever be forgiven? Will I ever be loved? These are my questions. I was down. I was lonely. I felt hollow and full of hate. I was blinded by the rage that consumed my existence. I could not forgive anyone. Even myself. Lost.

      Yes, God. I believe in Him. Though I follow no religion, I just believe that there is a greater existence that watches over everyone. How did I come to that conclusion? Why would I believe in God when he wasn't there when I was all alone, lonely and hurting? He may not be there in everybody’s eyes. But, hey! My friends were there and still are here for me. I did not listen to their friendly advices. I shunned their forgiving faces. I disliked their hugs and their kisses. Their voices, screw their voices!  I hated the world. I hated them. I hated everything! But they, they did not hate me. No matter how many times I ignored them, how many vengeful words from my mouth cut thru their hearts, how many incidences I screamed at them. They still see me as a ... friend.

       Ridiculous, eh?

    I always ask myself, “what did I do to deserve these people?”. I mean, I am not the nicest person in the world there is, why the heck would they choose to be my friend? I’m always screaming at everything, at anyone anytime! I always say ungodly things in front of everybody. I dress odd, I look ugly, I sound strange. Everything about me is just not right! Why in this freakin’ world do I have these people treating me as their dear friend? I’m not Bill Gates; I couldn’t give them gifts on their birthdays. I’m not Einstein; I couldn’t do their thesis or their reports. I’m not Kate Moss, I dunno nary a thing about fashion. I’m not even Beyonce, could not help out a bit about singing and dancing. I am totally worthless! What? Are they plain blind? Or just stupid?

      Who would listen to you blabber about random stuff? Who would lend their hands just to help you stand up? Who would hear your screams when you hate the world to the very core of your being? Who would slap you in the face to make you see the truth? Who would bravely and bluntly tell you the truth for your own sake risking getting yelled and cursed at or maybe ignored? Who would point out your mistakes, failures and flaws and maybe tell you you're being an ass but still loves you? Who would make you feel better when you're in deep shit? Who would always try to mold you into a better person? A friend would. My friends did. And will always do. That’s why my friends, I love you. All of you remained true . I have found friends though a few but true, genuine friends. :)

Home Is Where The Heart Is

The family is both the fundamental unit of society as well as the root of culture. It is a perpetual source of encouragement, advocacy, assurance, and emotional refueling that empowers a child to venture with confidence into the greater world and to become all that he can be. - MARIANNE E. NEIFERT, Dr. Mom's Parenting Guide

Yes, I would agree that my family has influenced me a lot as to who I am now. Some will say, "you're so much like your mom". Little did they know that I have grew up to be a much different person that what they think. I could say I have never enjoyed my childhood much that if given a chance, I would gladly turn back time and be a kid again. Or if it's not too much to ask, turn back the hands of time up to the moment I was born. My parents are both hard-working. I could not say they did not do their best to provide for me but I don't wanna say they have done enough just to give credit for them being my parents. There are certain things in life that people fail to achieve. Maybe proper parenthood, good grades or excellent performance at work, you can never tell. I am not blaming anyone as to where and what I am now. Everything happens for a reason.

Of all our social institutions, the family is perhaps the one with which we are most familiar. As we proceed through our lives, our experiences within the family give rise to some of our strongest and most intense feelings. Within the family context lies a paradox, however: although most of us hope for love and support within the family -- a haven in a heartless world, so to speak -- the family can also be a place of violence and abuse. - MARILYN POOLE, Family: Changing Families, Changing Times

Family, for one, should be the source of an individual's strength. A family should actually help one another during hard times and not pull each other down or throw mud at each others faces. Unfortunately, these scenarios happen to maybe not every family but at least 4 out of 7 as to what I have observed. No matter how close you think the family is to one another. A time will come when someone sometime will betray everyone else. Sometimes, mothers or fathers fail to see what their kids really want! Parents would most of the time follow what they believe is true or correct without hearing their kids opinion. Some parents just plain don't know how to teach a kid a lesson without spanking or raising their voices. Kids nowadays are getting more and more rebellious and the more parents stop them, the more they hunger for freedom. I always ask myself, "don't the parents remember how it was as a teenager?". All I could say to the parents out there, never wonder as to what your kids has become, you maybe part of the reason why.