As I was starting to compose
this blog entry, I tried to google quotes, phrases, sayings and stuff. I also
tried to look up dictionary’s definition about it and someone else’s definition
and opinion but you know what? I ended up writing this entry without it. I
mean, everybody has their own definition and opinion about everything. You can
google all you want and read the dictionary or maybe surf the world wide web,
join forums and check out personal blogs but none will fit to what you were
trying to say or express.
Friendship. What is it? Where is
it? How do you find it? How will you know if it is genuine?
Personally, the last question
came to my mind. How will you know if a friend is genuine? How, indeed. Now,
everybody has their own definition of friendship. Everybody has their own
preference as to who are they going to treat as friend. Different ways of
meeting a friend, different ways of establishing friendship and different ways
of expressing they care for that certain person they call a friend.
I was a lonely girl. I was never
a good daughter nor a good person. I am no criminal but I have done a few things
in the past that if you will get a chance of knowing, you might hate or scorn
me in the end. I lost hope in this world. I lost hope of my life. I lost hope
in God. Will I ever be accepted? Will I ever be respected? Will I ever be
understood? Will I ever be forgiven? Will I ever be loved? These are my
questions. I was down. I was lonely. I felt hollow and full of hate. I was
blinded by the rage that consumed my existence. I could not forgive anyone.
Even myself. Lost.
Yes, God. I believe in Him.
Though I follow no religion, I just believe that there is a greater existence
that watches over everyone. How did I come to that conclusion? Why would I
believe in God when he wasn't there when I was all alone, lonely and hurting? He
may not be there in everybody’s eyes. But, hey! My friends were there and still
are here for me. I did not listen to their friendly advices. I shunned their
forgiving faces. I disliked their hugs and their kisses. Their voices, screw
their voices! I hated the world. I hated
them. I hated everything! But they, they did not hate me. No matter how many
times I ignored them, how many vengeful words from my mouth cut thru their
hearts, how many incidences I screamed at them. They still see me as a ... friend.
Ridiculous, eh?
I always ask myself, “what did I
do to deserve these people?”. I mean, I am not the nicest person in the world
there is, why the heck would they choose to be my friend? I’m always screaming
at everything, at anyone anytime! I always say ungodly things in front of everybody. I dress odd, I look ugly, I sound strange. Everything about me is just
not right! Why in this freakin’ world do I have these people treating me as
their dear friend? I’m not Bill Gates; I couldn’t give them gifts on their
birthdays. I’m not Einstein; I couldn’t do their thesis or their reports. I’m
not Kate Moss, I dunno nary a thing about fashion. I’m not even Beyonce, could
not help out a bit about singing and dancing. I am totally worthless! What? Are
they plain blind? Or just stupid?
Who would listen to you blabber
about random stuff? Who would lend their hands just to help you stand up? Who
would hear your screams when you hate the world to the very core of your being?
Who would slap you in the face to make you see the truth? Who would bravely and
bluntly tell you the truth for your own sake risking getting yelled and cursed at or maybe ignored? Who would point out your mistakes, failures and flaws and maybe tell you you're being an ass but still loves you? Who would make you feel better when you're in deep shit? Who would always try to mold you into a better person? A friend would. My friends did. And will always do. That’s why my friends, I
love you. All of you remained true . I have found friends though a few but true, genuine friends. :)
